Didi

Didi was a good man.
A chef for the king,
Who could make anything.

He’d turn a Lima bean,
Or a simple pea,
Into a speciality.

The court was well fed,
And likewise the king,
Cause Didi’s food had the zing.

Until the merriest of all,
Great parties for the sire,
Was due to transpire.

But, when Didi sat
To commence the feast,
All at once, it ceased.

Cause a witch’s spell
Aimed at Didi’s seat,
Turned his hands to feet.

All the court gasped,
And were irritated,
Cause the hag dissipated.

What was her motive,
For this wicked deed
On poor Didi, indeed?

Our king had his rivals,
In each cranny and nook.
But why pick on the cook?

Our liege still had to eat.
And Didi tried his best,
Though his food failed the test.

His meals where too lumpy,
Or distastefully sweet,
All due to his four feet.

And if our lord swallowed,
He had iffy digestion,
Leading to indigestion.

Until the king declared.
“We must search the land
To find Didi’s two hands.”

“This task’s fraught with danger.
Only men, strong and hearty,
Can join my questing party.”

“What about me, dear king?”
Didi cried aloud.
“Can I join that crowd!”

“Of course you can.
We may find the witch,
Half dead in a ditch.”

So the intrepid posse
Searched all towns and woods.
And Didi cooked best he could.

But after many months,
Death took its course
On both knight and horse.

Until only two remained.
The king, at a slow stride,
With poor Didi by his side.

His lord cried with pain,
But the need to eat
Kept him from defeat.

Then, the witches shack was found.
The king was first to talk,
“Didi, I can’t even walk.”

With another strive he said,
“You’ll have to go alone,
Cause this fight is now your own.”

But Didi had a plan.
“Sire, jump upon my back,
We’ll mount a fierce attack!”

With a whoop, then a charge,
As strong as two or more,
Didi burst through the door.

But the wary witch,
Vanished in a cape
Effecting her escape.

“Oh Didi, all is lost.”
The monarch was distraught.
But Didi quickly thought.

“I think I know where she went,
So hold tight to my saddle.
She hasn’t won the battle.”

And then Didi said,
“She’ll make her getaway
To where it’s dark everyday.

But she’ll have to cross
Through the sunny side,
Where her powers slide.

As shady as a shadow,
She’ll adorn her magic charm
Forever safe from harm.

And that would be most tragic,
So let’s make haste.
There’s no time to waste.”

Near the light-dark border,
Where, as they expected,
The witch was detected.

And for two bright miles
Just as she had feared
Her magic almost disappeared.

So she had to act
And just near the edge
She turned into ledge.

And Didi came trotting,
But the ridge was too steep,
And he tumbled in a heap.

The witch saw her chance,
Oh, but how dare her,
Turn Didi into a mirror.

And just like that
Our brave, heroic cook
Was flatter than a book.

But she forgot the king
Who was a little better,
And hastened in to get her.

And taken by surprise,
She fell to her knees
And begged mercy, please!

But the king wouldn’t hear it,
And held his sword high,
To pierce her in the eye.

But she had some more tricks,
Since not quite in full sun,
She changed the sword’s direction.

And all of a sudden,
The king cried in dismay.
The sword’s point an inch away.

Our heroes’ fate looked dire.
Since evil got her way,
Would they see another day?

Poor Didi could not stop her.
In anger he wriggled a bit,
And the sun reflected a hit!

Direct upon the old witch,
Who, in agony screamed,
While bursting at the seems.

Into a ball of fire,
That wasn’t orange or red,
But opposite instead.

It was a dark, icy fire
That was black as night
And froze everything in sight.

Nonetheless, she vanished
As normal smoke would,
And all thawed as they should.

Yeah, our fair Didi.
No longer plain old glass,
Became a hero, at last.

Once again he was the cook,
Who filled the court with laughter,
And lived happily ever after.

Train Track Tale

Cold steel road, rusted and old
Crammed with tales, most never told
Though each spiked tie did convey
Countless stories in its day

We gaze toward infinity
Where they end is a mystery
Instead we listen for a sign
A sudden breeze comes from behind

"Is the train going to come?"
I respond to my son
"It has passed us by you see
Freighting only memories

Let's walk halfway to the end
Step-by-step we will pretend
That we are the mighty train
Giving life to these rails again."

Litchfield's Race

Today's the Litchfield Hill's race
Where good runners try to chase
The lead pack
Though will lack
Keeping a five minute pace.

Tricky Ricky 1

Tricky Ricky didn't finish his math
And deathly afraid of the teacher's wrath
He avoided abuses
With clever excuses
But all were sucked into the tornado's path

Unicorn

When queuing up for something fine
And a Unicorn likes what you're eyeing
Just let him cut
To save your butt
And soon he'll be in front of the line.

Jacky Ann Jill

My old love Jacky Ann Jill
Was quite a tale telling pill
Reciting lines
From Nursery Rhymes
With punch lines ending in thrills.

Clyde Clutz 2

Did you here about Clyde Clutz today
He tried to think of something to say
But got a sprain
Inside his brain
And each word only came out halfway.

Leaves

Today I picked one thousand leaves
From about one hundred trees
Climbed up a tower
And for an hour
Watched them sail away in the breeze.

Bad Luck On The Farm

I awoke early to milk the cow
But in the dark, tripped over the plow
Landing on my head
Thinking I was dead
But instead, yelled ow, ow, ow, ow!

Quote hassles

We like to build people their castle
But pricing it right is a hassle
You give a good quote
But forget the moat
And earn less than the common vassal

Front Of The Line

Save me a spot at the front of the line
It doesn't look like I'll make it on time
I'm not often late
So I beg you to wait
And since a good sport I'll give you a dime.

Too Early Mornings

I hate waking up pre-AM four
That's not the hour I'm aiming for
Once quarter past five
Hast arrived
That time's worth saving my amens for.

Chasing Leads

We chase the next lead, trying to be bold
We race till we bleed, looking for the gold
After the attack
Beware looking back
If paced by the greed, you only get old.

Tag Sale Deal

Some who have tag sales look for a home run
But finding a bargain is half the fun
So if they won't deal
Turn on your heel
And spend your good money at the next one

Space Shuttle Come Back

I thought searching the Cosmos was an upward trend
So its a darn shame to see the Space Shuttle end
But there could be a future
With a few steel sutures
And with the economy soon be on the mend

Spiderman 1

I caught up with Spiderman laid up in bed
And noticed the giant welt on his head
I asked what's the matter
He said he went splatter
From trying to learn how to surf the web

Clyde Clutz 1

Did you hear about Clyde Clutz today
His stationary bike went astray
Though peddling inside
On a fixed ride
He still managed to crash anyway

Calmer Society

Society would be so much calmer
If we locked up suicide bombers
Into a cell
Right next to hell
Sharing a room with Jeffrey Dahmer

Twenty-fifth

I bought my forty-ish wife a birthday gift
She frowned at me since she was quite miffed
Hinting she was no older
Then I got the cold shoulder
So I went back shopping for her twenty-fifth

Mispoke

Why must everyone pick on that bloke
His only crime were words misspoke
He's not like Tom Sawyer
He's only a lawyer
Who'll get away treating truth as a joke

Paint Samples

When trying to copy a paint sample
The choices of colors will be ample
But nothing will match
So mix up a batch
To alter your sight, like scotch for example

Rowing

She thought that strenuous rowing
And hard work, make a good showing
But with only strife
She's bound to miss life
Not looking where she is going

First Date

On a first date you don't cut the cheese
Or itch, cough, spit, hiccup, nor sneeze
They're unaccepted
But the unexpected
Starts the giggles that puts both at ease.

New Pest

There was an old man at rest
Who was bothered by a new pest
Not a meddlesome fly
But the fear he'd die
Having lived life too close to the vest

Giant thoughts

The giant gets rich in his hall
Safely high up in the clouds tall
"Who'd have the means
You'd need magic beans
And honestly who has the gall?"

Overpaid

Sometimes I feel like I'm overpaid
Buy what I want, no need to save
Excess to the hilt
Without any guilt
But as I wake up my dream fades

Fruit hemmin'

There once was a girl from Jabruit
Whom I heard knew how to mend fruit
I gave her a lemon
That needed hemmin'
But she gave the poor thing a lime suit

Woodwork

I wanted to craft some woodwork
She said that idea should work
To get us out of our rut
By the smell of wood cut
Which certainly is a good perk

Barter for smart

Wonder if I can barter for smart
I'd only need a little to start
I'll trade my dumb
If they need some
Lord knows that I have plenty to part

A taste of politics

There's politics inside her gut
Discussing the size of her butt
They do not favor
Her vote for flavor
And advise taping her mouth shut

Space break

I don't think astronauts can take
A fifteen minute coffee break
When they start sippin'
The java starts drippin'
And forms a caffeine ceiling lake

White lie

A little white lie got mud on its face
He thought he was harmless, what a disgrace
But someone got hurt
And lost their shirt
The truth will prevail and clean up this case

Something for nothing

Something for nothing. What was that honey?
Something for nothing. That's not very funny.
That same old taunt
From those who want
Something for nothing. Just show me the money!

Endeavers

What better endeavor is there to proceed on
When the weak seek guidance, you heed and lead on
It could be your time
For you to climb
Far above, were love, is what you'll succeed on

Thinking

I like to think about things for a while
Some make me frown, some make me smile
But after the thought
Did what it ought
I close it up and put it in a pile

subscribers

In order to lure new subscribers
They drop down costs with a divisor
And since it took'em
Good bait to hook'em
They'll raise rates with a multiplier

Down on his luck 1

There was a man down on his luck
Who felt lower than the lowest schmuck
But a four leaf clover
Meant his troubles were over
But when he pulled the damn thing was stuck

Sports Fan

To be a true fan of sports
You're sure to have as cohorts
Your favorite team
But the others will scheme
To leave you at least one point short

Closet Space

I found more closet space in a dream
By employing a trusty time machine
Hang some clothes in the past
Forward those you wore last
And just wear what you have in between.

This is my take on the months leading up to March 2010.

Now where is our president?
It seems like all his time is spent,
Hawking lies under a tent
Stuffed with those who think that gent
Was, oh yea, heaven sent.
Telling us that common sense
Which, his has, long since went!
Should be given up for lent.

His lackies think they're on the scent
Of knowing best, they're so hellbent
Ramming health care 'til we consent.
Then when all the money's spent
They'll tax our one last sickly cent
Hoping we'll yield and repent
To the one who's heaven sent.

We try conveying, facts, potent.
But our leader's ears are bent
To those from where the money's sent.
Rather from constituents
Who can't even make a dent
In lefties brains, thick as cement
We just don't want our dough misspent.

But their greed is the portent
Cause voting day, they can't prevent.
Oh won't it be a grand event
Watch them squirm to an extent.
Their untrue ways they'll resent
"A second chance?" they'll lament.
"No, you're fired!" is our comment.
Oh, more is less government.