Chasing Leads

We chase the next lead, trying to be bold
We race till we bleed, looking for the gold
After the attack
Beware looking back
If paced by the greed, you only get old.

Tag Sale Deal

Some who have tag sales look for a home run
But finding a bargain is half the fun
So if they won't deal
Turn on your heel
And spend your good money at the next one

Space Shuttle Come Back

I thought searching the Cosmos was an upward trend
So its a darn shame to see the Space Shuttle end
But there could be a future
With a few steel sutures
And with the economy soon be on the mend

Spiderman 1

I caught up with Spiderman laid up in bed
And noticed the giant welt on his head
I asked what's the matter
He said he went splatter
From trying to learn how to surf the web

Clyde Clutz 1

Did you hear about Clyde Clutz today
His stationary bike went astray
Though peddling inside
On a fixed ride
He still managed to crash anyway

Calmer Society

Society would be so much calmer
If we locked up suicide bombers
Into a cell
Right next to hell
Sharing a room with Jeffrey Dahmer

Twenty-fifth

I bought my forty-ish wife a birthday gift
She frowned at me since she was quite miffed
Hinting she was no older
Then I got the cold shoulder
So I went back shopping for her twenty-fifth

Mispoke

Why must everyone pick on that bloke
His only crime were words misspoke
He's not like Tom Sawyer
He's only a lawyer
Who'll get away treating truth as a joke

Paint Samples

When trying to copy a paint sample
The choices of colors will be ample
But nothing will match
So mix up a batch
To alter your sight, like scotch for example

Rowing

She thought that strenuous rowing
And hard work, make a good showing
But with only strife
She's bound to miss life
Not looking where she is going

First Date

On a first date you don't cut the cheese
Or itch, cough, spit, hiccup, nor sneeze
They're unaccepted
But the unexpected
Starts the giggles that puts both at ease.

New Pest

There was an old man at rest
Who was bothered by a new pest
Not a meddlesome fly
But the fear he'd die
Having lived life too close to the vest

Giant thoughts

The giant gets rich in his hall
Safely high up in the clouds tall
"Who'd have the means
You'd need magic beans
And honestly who has the gall?"

Overpaid

Sometimes I feel like I'm overpaid
Buy what I want, no need to save
Excess to the hilt
Without any guilt
But as I wake up my dream fades

Fruit hemmin'

There once was a girl from Jabruit
Whom I heard knew how to mend fruit
I gave her a lemon
That needed hemmin'
But she gave the poor thing a lime suit

Woodwork

I wanted to craft some woodwork
She said that idea should work
To get us out of our rut
By the smell of wood cut
Which certainly is a good perk

Barter for smart

Wonder if I can barter for smart
I'd only need a little to start
I'll trade my dumb
If they need some
Lord knows that I have plenty to part

A taste of politics

There's politics inside her gut
Discussing the size of her butt
They do not favor
Her vote for flavor
And advise taping her mouth shut

Space break

I don't think astronauts can take
A fifteen minute coffee break
When they start sippin'
The java starts drippin'
And forms a caffeine ceiling lake

White lie

A little white lie got mud on its face
He thought he was harmless, what a disgrace
But someone got hurt
And lost their shirt
The truth will prevail and clean up this case

Something for nothing

Something for nothing. What was that honey?
Something for nothing. That's not very funny.
That same old taunt
From those who want
Something for nothing. Just show me the money!

Endeavers

What better endeavor is there to proceed on
When the weak seek guidance, you heed and lead on
It could be your time
For you to climb
Far above, were love, is what you'll succeed on

Thinking

I like to think about things for a while
Some make me frown, some make me smile
But after the thought
Did what it ought
I close it up and put it in a pile

subscribers

In order to lure new subscribers
They drop down costs with a divisor
And since it took'em
Good bait to hook'em
They'll raise rates with a multiplier

Down on his luck 1

There was a man down on his luck
Who felt lower than the lowest schmuck
But a four leaf clover
Meant his troubles were over
But when he pulled the damn thing was stuck

Sports Fan

To be a true fan of sports
You're sure to have as cohorts
Your favorite team
But the others will scheme
To leave you at least one point short

Closet Space

I found more closet space in a dream
By employing a trusty time machine
Hang some clothes in the past
Forward those you wore last
And just wear what you have in between.